TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET

*SIGH*

It's been awhile since I've posted, but a lot has happened.
Something disturbing, something surprising, and something comforting.

I'll start in reverse order.
I am watching 'A Haunting' on the Discovery Channel. This episode focuses on a woman, who like me,
attempted to "block out" her abilities for most of her life. This makes me feel better. She didn't want her family
or spouse to think she was nuts. She began to doubt her own sanity.
She didn't want to open the door for strange happenings to occur in her home.
She wanted to to keep her children from all of it.
That's me.
I am not alone in this situation.
It's a small comfort to me somehow.

The surprising occurrence was a small precognition I experienced on St Patrick's Day. I predicted something
unusual would happen in class, and the exact thing I predicted came true!
That hasn't happened in a while.
Neat.
Turns out I can "read" that teacher extremely well.

Now for the disturbing and sad part...
I felt the passing of someone close to my spouse.
I thought of this person, who I did not know well at all, out of the blue.
I found it odd to even think of this person at all. I noted the time. It was 4:30pm.
The day before it took place I had a straight up premonition of a bicycle accident.
And for some reason I figured it meant some type of motorcycle accident on the highway.
Most people don't die on a regular bicycle right?

The day after I thought of this person, I received word from my spouse that this particular
person had suddenly died. I was shocked. I asked when and was told that it happened around 4 or 5
the previous afternoon, and that he had died while riding his bicycle.

Since then I have been apprehensive to pay any mind to my psychic inklings and that doesn't make great
fodder for journal postings.

So I am in a serious repression right now.
I don't want this.
I am ignoring it.



-Psi


 

Somebody really wanted my attention yesterday.
I spent the day picking up my place, and out of nowhere
my bathroom door closed on its own.

I haven't experienced much activity lately, so this was a surprise.
In fact, I was damn close to dismissing myself of any ability whatsoever.

I am taking a psychology class, and last week my professor went over clairvoyance
and ESP. (These are the things I am best at BTW.) And he had the nerve to say
they were a total myth.

Ah well...
I'm just glad this week is nearly over!

Psi here, just taking a moment to document another experience.
Last night while putting my son to bed I saw a tall man in a brown aviator
jacket walk past his room. He moved down the hallway quickly, with a purpose,
seemingly unaware of...well, anything.
He did not look at us or acknowledge us.
It was so brief.
My son was too occupied with his toy train to notice the man.


It was not frightening. It was just unusual.
There was no sound, no tactile difference like change in temperature or
air pressure. It was just an out-of-the-blue appearance.
Random.


Even though this was not a scary event, I dread living through these random
experiences.

Maybe he was a hallucination.
Maybe it's always been hallucinations.

Hi.

Not too much has gone on since I posted last, so I have decided to reveal a key experience in my life as a closet psychic.
I was around the age of 10, give or take a couple years...I'd had many prior experiences in the house I grew up in,
but this was the most climactic event of my life (at that point).

Every night at bedtime I asked my Mom to close my bedroom door before she went to bed herself. On the occasions
that she forgot, I would awake at 2:55 each morning and stare straight into the scariest part of my house, that is, the
part with the most activity. On this particular night, she forgot to close my door. So like clockwork, at 2:55am I awoke and found myself
staring right through the hallway and into our kitchen. Doesn't sound scary---you just have to trust me on this, but I was petrified.
Right at the doorway of my room was a small shadowy figure. It was like an oompa loompa sized Gingerbread man. It was childlike.
It waved directly at me, motioning me to get up and go towards it.
Not believing my sleepy eyes, I reached for my flashlight and aimed right at that very spot. Once illuminated, nothing was to be
found. Feeling sure that I was imagining things, I turned the light off and allowed my eyes to adjust to the darkness once more.
To my surprise and utter horror, the little guy was still there! It seemed disoriented and displeased with my attempt to drown it out
with light and walked away from my bedroom, into the hallway and to the kitchen. In the kitchen it reached back behind the refrigerator
and pulled out it's "mommy" or some giant shadowy figure to come deal with me. The figure was extremely menacing. It had to be 8
feet tall and came at me fast.
At this point I whimpered and threw my comforter over my head and tucked into it tight.

I can recall this event vividly. I was not dreaming. It happened.
When I told others my story, I was laughed at by all except one person.
I felt a lack of validation for years until I saw Ghost Hunters capture "shadow people"
on camera. The first time I saw it I teared up because I knew that others had experienced what I had.
I had a real experience. It was a frightening one, and makes me hesitant to develop my abilities.
I am such a chicken!

In the few events I have had where a human spirit has communicated something to me, the feeling isn't
terrifying like it was with the shadow people. Who are they and what did they want from me that night?
Are they bullies? Or did I completely misread them? Are they sinister? I am just plain chicken shit to find out.

I never want to see one again, unless its on TV.


-Psi

Here's a little more than I planned to share...but the circumstances have risen and I must tell:

I have a son. He's 3. He sees things too.
Tonite as I tucked him in bed he asked why my head was so loud.
He repeatedly asked me.

And earlier today he kept running in and out of my closet giggling and asking his friends to come out.

If he has an ability, how do I explain it to him?
I can't explain it myself. I don't understand it; if it's a gift or a curse.
I don't want him growing up scared all the time like I did.
I also don't want him feeling ashamed or crazy about his abilities when he's older...
or worse yet---being ostracized for them.

I don't want this for him.
Maybe thats why my mother always acted aloof when I told her that I had seen things.
Surely there's a right way and a wrong way to handle this.

I just don't know what is right.

Today I feel less than wonderful; nausea, dizziness, weakness, sleepiness, and general malaise.
Reminds me of a time when I experienced a strange happening which caused me the same sickly set of symptoms.

It takes place a few years back, when I was living in an apartment with roommates.  We experienced some unexplainable things up to this point, (such as a perfect circle drawn in our shower while we were out) so I may have been rattled. I had a dream on this particular night that  I was in the hallway in the apartment, and my roommate was close by---when a large, dark figure materialized and came at us. It was about 8 feet tall and had vague features, like a gingerbread man-type body. This was not my first encounter with this being (I'll recant THAT story another day). It came at us so fast it just went through our bodies. It seemed threatening. It passed through my roommate first, and as it passed it caused her to vomit. Same thing to me, as it passed I was overcome with nausea and vomited. I woke up from the dream in a cold sweat and was very ill for the next 24 hours. That dream still haunts me today.
It was so vivid, so realistic.

I feel just like I did that day.
Yuck.

Okay, this is really, really weird. And *I know this sounds crazy*, or even made up (if I could even make up such a thing), but here goes:

I spent last night alone, which doesn't happen very often. I had just seen a scary movie, and was shaken up and unwilling to see anything for the night. I shut down. Watched cartoons. Avoided any situation or mindset where I might experience ANYTHING paranormal.
Woke up 10 hours later, got up, peed, got back in bed. I looked up at the ceiling of my bedroom and saw a greenish-yellow patch. It faded and reappeared, faded and reappeared. Then I somehow saw these translucent images swirling right above me. No faces, no shapes, no figures...it was like a moving abstract painting. I stared and stared in disbelief and confusion. Occasionally I would pick up a faint color, like yellow, blue or green. There were darker and lighter images. Some moving quite fast like clouds on a windy day. Some very, very slow, almost permanent.
I lay there realizing I was staring into thin air at (to the normal eye, what would be) nothing.
I looked and looked for about 20 minutes, waiting for an end or probable reason for the vision.
I concluded that I was seeing some type of energy field. Sounds dumb, I know.
Sounds so crazy. I sound like I'm stoned or dreaming or lying...which is why I am only discussing this
here. 

I didn't feel fear, or any emotion besides confusion and amazement.
I realized at last that tears had been streaming from my eyes for quite some time, and yet
my eyes weren't blurry, and I wasn't aware of the tears. It was weird, in the least.
I finally grew impatient and got up to have breakfast and try to forget.
But I can't.
So I'm here, recanting.

Maybe it was a neurological event. Maybe I am plain crazy.
I don't know, but I SAW IT.

-Psi 

Yesterday I surprised my significant other by singing the song he had in his head.
I know him so well, its rather easy to read him.
But today he tried to trick me by thinking of a random song
and I couldn't for the life of me tell what it was!
I failed. I just didn't know.

Then I tried a new test online and failed that miserably too.
I'm just 'off' today.

What up? Psi here, ready to relay some new and old experiences alike.
Today I was going 80 on the Freeway when I had the sudden instinct to slow down.
Right after I pressed on my brakes the truck in front of me blew a tire and swerved all
over the road! I had fallen behind enough from braking that I wasn't in any danger of hitting her.
Whew! We lucked out I guess.

Since I have recently come out of denial about my "abilities", I have been so much more
aware of...things. I keep seeing people out of the corner of my eye here at home get the impression that
 they are shy, and I'm not sure if they want to be seen. Same here---I'm not sure I'm ready to start seeing full-bodied
apparitions everywhere just yet (or at all). Maybe they can pick up that I am a huge novice at this.
Yesterday there was a curious, curly-locked child peeking over the kitchen counter at me while I watched TV.
 I was half-amused, but half-terrified. At last, someone who was as afraid to see me as I was them!
Early this morning, before dawn, I was stumbling around my house in the dark when I walked right past
a still figure. It gave off a person-vibe. He was taller than me and he didn't move.
It was like walking very close to someone living, and being able to feel warmth and presence.
And then once I realized what had just taken place I kept going toward my destination, not looking backward.

I still don't know about all this.
It's all a bit surreal sometimes, like this should go into syndication on Fox on weeknights or something.
Or better yet, the SciFi Channel.

Another stumbling block I've run into in this whole "I think I'm psychic" ordeal is religion.
I am a Christian. How do my abilities fit into the equation?
I don't talk to spirits (not yet anyway), but I am able to make some small predictions and I am
sensitive to energy and vibes. Does that make me a bad person? Does that make me a tool of the devil?
From what I have read...yes and no.
Christians don't believe that spirits are spirits but rather the devil in disguise.
But for those who have the ability to foresee things, they are blessed prophets.
Maybe I should just quit while I'm ahead.


Any feedback?

Hello, this is your friendly-neighborhood-closet-psychic, Psi.

Here is a little background on me and what I hope to find here on LJ.

At the urging of a close friend, I tested my abilities.
Long story short---turns out I have a bit of a psychic streak.
My test results and personal experiences seem to lead me to believe so anyway.
I recently "came out" to my mother, who I was certain wouldn't believe me and would dismiss my claims.
Well, she didn't. She actually told me how I was born into it. She and my aunts and late grandmother
all have/ had abilities. So basically, she came out to me too.

Now I am having trouble trying to balance the physical world and the spiritual.
Who can I trust with this secret of mine? Would anyone believe me or take me seriously?
Would they think I just wanted attention? Would they laugh at me, call me crazy or suspect demonic
possession? What would it bring into my life? How would I explain it? I could never prove it.
I think perhaps this blog is the best way to discuss it. I think this blog gives me a nice, thick veil
of anonymity to hide behind.

I hope that with all my confusion and discussing the experiences I don't yet understand, I can find release and support
by blogging. I hope to find others out there who may not want to reveal their abilities, (if that's YOU, we should talk!).
I hope to record my experiences and my accuracy, and possibly find a pattern or some other
way of sorting.
It's just so complicated for me right now.

I need this.
I need to talk.

Thanks for reading.

Your Closet Psychic,
                                    PSI